I'll bet she douches with gravy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize