she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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