I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
