I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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