booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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