Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
