Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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