somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
