did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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