If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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