I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
