Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
