He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
