So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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