when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
