I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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