I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
