We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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