You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
