She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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