Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have post one night stand depression
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