And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
