I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
