better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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