Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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