wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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