I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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