You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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