So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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