No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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