At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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