I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
