I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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