Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
