God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
