ugly people sure do ruin things
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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