Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
