don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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