So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
