never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
