having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
