you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
