I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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