i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my being single is dangerous.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
