Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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