Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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