I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
