Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
