Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
