i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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