Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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