yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
