My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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