The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
