I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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