there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
