Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
