Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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