Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
