i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
