Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
