My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
