Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize