hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no you cant smoke seaweed
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
