He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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