I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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