Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
