have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
