y did u give ur computer a hand job?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
