I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
