it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
