I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
